I'm lonely. Or am I? Yes, I am. Even though I am surrounded by people a lot of the time, I am still lonely. Or am I lonesome? Wait there is no possible way I can be lonely mentally right? I mean when I am by myself and its just me and my shadow, my mind runs a million miles per minute. The voices of reasoning, the should-a, could-a, would-a's are so loud they never shuthefuck up! Yet I say I'm lonely. You know what dammit I am lonely, it gets lonesome talking to yourself all the damn time. And I have to watch talking to myself out loud because people will really begin to think that I am a serious nut case. I'll be that, but I'd rather be a closet nut case. Hmm different word perhaps. I'm not lonely, I'm craving, I'm yearning, I'm wanting with great desire. Yeah... those are better than just lonely. I want the mental, physical, and emotional connection with a human being. Different than the types that I have with my daughter, my mother, friends... AND MY DAMN SELF. I yearn for someone to "get" me and accept my flaws and all and understand that sometimes my life is rough and my knees get weak and I just need someone to lean on for a second so I can regain my composure. It's lonely without that type of connection. That's the same connection you see in elderly couples holding hands while walking down the street totally as much in love as they were 20 some odd years ago. Is it wrong for me to feel incomplete? No, not at all, maybe its wrong of me to want it when I want it and not wait for when God sees fit to give me that connection. lol at myself here I go again, talking to myself in blog. wow.
at 5:29 PM