bLeeekkk.

Hmmm. If I was not me I'd want to ROCK MY GRILL. So, one day I just woke up and stopped everything cold turkey, now wheening nothing. I'm a firm believer of mind over matter especially when it comes to pain. Any way, no more daily drinking of alcohol for me chasen that lunesta just to sleep. FYI: Insomia sucks ass. No more smoking Newports anymore. I guess ten eleven years was enough, yes since i was 13; what can I say, picked up my dads bad habbits. I super slowed down on the starbucks too. I don't know whats going on but my body is going into withdrawls. I am sooo mega moody, its ridic. I havent slept in forever. Ive laid with my eyes closed for hours on end, but i always seem to float in REM sleep never deep sleep because I'm trying to wheen myself off the Insomnia meds. Ahhhh killing me. This IUD is getting on my nerves too. I can go months without a womanly cycle... hmm this month it decided to show up. My face broke out from stress and pms. I never break out. lol Mega gheey Im supposed to be going to FL this sat- tues. I guess everything happens for a reason.

Any who Mrs. Wallace .5 of the PARENTAL UNIT (my mom) called me busting my chops yesterday. She super ruffled my feathers. :( the conversation went a lil something like this...

Mom: *west indian accent* "DeeDee wats wrong wit u gal?"
Me: *bland* "what do you mean, whats wrong with me?"
Mom: "are you eating? do you need food, gas, money?"
Me: "im fine mom"
Mom: "Is JoJo eating?"
Me: "yes, shes eating, she is fine she never goes without!"
Mom: "you know if you need something you can always ask for it."
Me: "uughh mom I dont need nothing from you and dad, i got this."
Mom: "im just saying gal sometimes its gets rough and we are here to help, thats all and you can keep that attitude to yourself for i come slap ya mouth."
Me: " you called me, I said no, im about to be 25 years old lemme handle this gosh, how else am i ever gonna learn how to take care of me and mine if i dont struggle and grow. i am the way i am now because of you and dad always spoiling.
Mom: "well we just dont want to see you struggling thats all DeeDee. You need to take a nap and eat, your grouchie."
Me: "I said im good, trust me you guys will be my last resort. just lemme handle this."
Mom: "Fine, i love you gal."
Me: "Love you too, bye."

My parents have broken their backs especially my mom to keep us three girls sitting pretty, never had to want or be without anything. If we wanted it, it was ours, as long as the grades were up and our rooms were clean. Okay, so I am 24 almost 25 with a 3 year old child and I have been completely on my own for almost 7 months now, no parents, no baby daddy, just me and the mini-me. Yes, the shit is not all cookies and cream. But im trying to learn. Leave it up to the parental unit, they would foot the bill until my daughter was 18. My mom doesnt seem to understand me when I say that Jordyn is my responsibility, shes my child, I need to take care of her on my own. And I say this because my parents care for my older sisters children and her and her baby daddy and she is 30 damn years old, a 12 year old, 3 year old, and twins 10 months! She aint got no job. My parents pay for everything. THAT IS NOT A GOOD LOOK! Sad to say I am ashamed she is my blood, and she is my main MOTIVATION on what not to be like. Anyway my mother and I have had this conversation before, and I know I came off crabby, but ggeeezzzee can i please fall and bust my ass once without the damn safety net. I will never learn if I don't and they are always holding my hand. I lost alot of lives this past year and I know my parents are not always gonna be here, so id rathter know how to deal now, than be stuck and culture shocked like my older sister is gonna be when they day comes. Ahhhh maybe i should call and apologize for my stank ass attitude... not today, maybe tomorrow. :o/